Recently, someone told me I have permission to be gentle with myself. It’s a common phrase and one I’ve used myself. I thought about what being gentle with myself might look like as I processed the hard times before our family.
The world tells me “being gentle with myself” is an action: taking the day off work, snuggling under a blanket and binge-watching my favorite show, or, picking up a book when I need to rest. But why, when I do these things, do they often feel like avoidance? Yes, these actions give me a little headspace from immediate emotion and worry. But the problem still exists when I emerge from the isolation I’ve placed myself in.
Take last week, for example. I did all those things, plus finished a whole bag of chips and salsa and took a nap, yet I didn’t feel any better. I felt slightly more rested, and had a slight breather from the thoughts and worries of the day. But all of these things didn’t address the core issue. So, if those things don’t make you feel better, what does being gentle with yourself mean? I realized I didn’t fully know.
I googled the question, what does the bible say about being gentle with yourself? There wasn’t a clear answer. Many bible verses mention gentleness, yet often they’re about being gentle with other people, rather than ourselves.
For example,
You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great
(Psalm 18:35 ESV).
Now I, Paul, myself, appeal to you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ
(2 Corinthians 10:1 CSB).
to slander no one, to avoid fighting, and to be kind, always showing gentleness to all people
(Titus 3:2 CSB).
But then I found this little nugget:
Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience
(Colossians 3:12 NIV).
Therefore, being gentle is something you put on. Not something you do. So, how do we put on gentle? We put on Jesus.
And, there’s only one way to do this … spend time in God’s presence by reading his word and inviting Jesus into your life. When we do this, the fruit of gentleness is grown by the holy spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
(Galatians 5:22-23 NIV).
So, when someone tells us to be gentle with ourselves, the best advice is to put on Jesus by spending time with him.
Yesterday, I took an early morning flight. I was worried, anxious, and exhausted. As we flew over Lake Tahoe, instead of escaping through a book, I decided to put my learning into action. I pulled my bible out of my backpack and reread all the verses listed above. And, then, I closed my eyes and asked Jesus to meet me where I was at.
As I did, I knew he was there. A slight slowing of my heartbeat, and a knowing that can’t be defined in physical terms. I whispered, “God, I can’t do this.”
“But I can,” came his reply.
With those three simple words, God was permitting me to lay down the emotional burden of my current concerns. And this is what genuinely being gentle with ourselves means … it’s realizing we can’t carry or solve all our problems and issues. It’s acknowledging that, because of Jesus, God can.
God provides us with a lot of resources to help with those problems. Whether that’s getting counseling, seeking medical treatment, financial advice, or taking care of our body, etc. But it’s also coming to Jesus and inviting him in and acknowledging we need him.
So, if you’re finding movies, comfort eating, and exercising aren’t the mental health break you fully need, take some time, and put your Jesus on.
A love letter from God …
Dear lovely one,
I am gentle with you. Always. I see the burdens you carry, and I know the load can seem overwhelming at times. I see how it weighs you down, and you wonder how you will get through it all. But whenever you ask, I will help you. And even when you don’t ask, I am helping you.
I know it’s tempting to escape from what’s going on in your life by binge watching, social media scrolling, and all the other things you do. And there is a place and time for most of those. But before you rely on them, come to me first. I can lift the load from your shoulders and provide peace even though storms rage around you.
My gentleness can provide the cocoon you need, so wrap yourself in me today, for I am your comfort and hope.
I see you, my beloved; I love you. And I am with you always.
Love, God