There is no set formula for supporting our friends and family through hard times. It’s something that, if done well, can bring you closer together. But, if handled poorly, it can lead to disagreement and tension, and the testing of your friendship. Yet, it is something most of us will have to embrace as we walk the journey of life.
Sometimes, it’s easy to walk alongside a friend. Maybe they’ve met their partner, landed their dream job, or brought their first home. It’s a wonderful thing to celebrate a friend’s success.
But what about when something goes wrong? Maybe they’ve shared their husband has a problem with prescription substance abuse. Maybe they’ve told you they had an extramarital affair. Maybe they’ve been diagnosed with cancer. The “maybes” are endless.
And these challenge us in our own way. Supporting a friend through any of these situations takes empathy, love, and, sometimes, courage. We may find ourselves drawn into something we don’t want to be involved in. Yet, Jesus taught us to walk alongside our friends whatever the cost. He didn’t give up on any of his own friends––even when they doubted him (Thomas), denied him (Peter), and they all deserted him when he was arrested.
Jesus’s friends didn’t make the best impression as they handled his journey to the cross. Yet, the Bible reminds us that, after Jesus’ death, and his disciples’ mistakes, his companions went on to serve Jesus and the church well.
Like the disciples, will we be the person who makes a bad impression as our friends deal with their trials? Or can we be the one that walks with our friend through difficulty to success? Even if it comes at a personal cost to us?
If our answer is we’ll be the person that walks with our friend, the question becomes how do we be the friend they need? The answer starts with empathy.
Empathy “is the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person.” (Psychology Today)
It allows us to bond with others. Empathy helps us to look at what is going on from their point of view. It’s listening without interrupting, trying to understand them if you don’t agree, asking how can you help, asking whether they are getting professional help and support, and it’s being a friend like Jesus.
Some of us don’t have great empathy skills. Thankfully, like exercise, it’s something we can practice on a regular basis. For example, when we read a story we can imagine ourselves in the shoes of that character, and ask ourselves how would we have handled whatever situation they are facing. At church, when someone tells you their kid has been sick, we may be able to look back on our own experience and use that to inform how we react. Even asking someone the question, “How are you?” and waiting for the real answer rather than the obligatory “I’m fine,” strengthens our ability to identify with and care about others.
But, be warned, when you are being the friend they need, it is possible to experience empathy fatigue. We become tired of relating to what someone is walking through. Therefore, it’s important we take breaks for ourselves, spend time with Jesus to let him restore our soul and spirit, and rest. Because being the best of friends means knowing how to look after yourself, too.
A love letter from God …
Dear lovely one,
Thank you for walking with my loved one. I feel their hurt and pain and I know they are trying to work out how to get through their challenges. I’ve heard your prayers for them and I will answer. I am with them right now. There is a way through this. I know this path was unexpected, but I already knew it was going to happen.
Thank you for continuing to support them; you are a good friend. I know you’ve found it hard, too. Loving people often hurts, but I promise it is worth it. Keep calling out to me, I will show you how to be a supportive friend. Sometimes that may mean putting a little distance between yourself and them. But, at other times, you will close by their sides. I will guide you in this always.
For reflection;
- Do you have any friends who need God’s companionship at this moment? Pray for them.
- How are your empathy skills? Is this something you’d like to practice?
- Do you need to seek advice from someone outside the situation, such as a therapist, mentor, pastor, etc., on how to handle this? No one expects you to do it by yourself. Seeking advice can be a wise course of action, but make sure you protect their confidentiality.
References:
Nortje, A (2021) Empathy 101: 3+ Examples and Psychology definitions
https://positivepsychology.com/empathy-psychology/
Cherry, K (2020) What is empathy?
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-empathy-2795562