There are times in our lives when we know we have to make a change, whether we want to or not. Just the thought of it raises our anxiety levels and our thoughts loop through all the possible scenarios we might face. It’s not unusual for us to focus on all the possible negative outcomes, because that is what scares us the most.
Two years ago, I hurt my knee while skiing. That, and the onset of the pandemic, ended my season early. While my family was whizzing down ski slopes, I enjoyed several good books curled up in front of a fire. Last year, I managed a return to the gentle slopes to get my confidence back. But, a few weeks ago, I went skiing with my family to Palisades Tahoe, home to the 1960 Winter Olympics. Now, anywhere that holds an Olympic event means the terrain is going to be hard.
My family had already skied twice that week and I covered my ears to their tales of all the different terrain they covered. As we walked toward the gondola on this beautiful sunny day I stared at the huge mountain in front of me. Desperately I requested to start on the easy runs. We did one run before the kids got bored and insisted we head to a different, and more difficult, part of the mountain.
As we rode up the ski lift, I kept looking at all the runs I could possibly take. Which was the easiest? Which route was I less likely to end up on my backside? I had it narrowed down to two possible options. I stood overlooking the slope, the steep descent disappearing in front of me. My mind overflowed with: I can’t break a leg, arm, or any other part of my body, in fact. I have to drive the kids, I have a conference to go to. I don’t want to be in pain again.
I stood at the top of the ski slope for a few moments with my husband telling me, “You’ve got this.” But I didn’t. I didn’t want to hurt myself again. Eventually, with a deep breath, I skied down the mountain. I was slow and awkward. But I made it back to the chairlift in one piece. I’d love to tell you that I lifted my ski poles, cheered myself, and my worries vanished. It didn’t. The fear followed me from the top to the bottom and back up to the top again. Each time I approached the slope carefully. But, what matters is that I did it, even with all my concerns.
As the day went on, I frightened myself on one particular slope. At that point, I waved a cheerful goodbye to my tolerant family and sent them to fly down the slopes of their choice while I practiced my technique elsewhere. That afternoon, my kids joked and laughed as they swiftly passed me numerous times. They weren’t afraid of the mountain.
Do you know who else isn’t afraid of the mountain? Jesus. He’s already gone before us. In this season of Lent, I think about how Jesus was preparing for the last part of his life. He knew the mountain he had to face––death on a cross. Yet, he didn’t turn away and run from Jerusalem. He walked slowly toward it, fully aware of everything that lay before him. His humanness comforts me, he asked God to take this future from him.
“… he fell facedown and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26: 39
How many times do we ask the same question when we face fear in our own lives and are terrified of the what-ifs? What if marriage counseling doesn’t help? Father, let this cup pass from me. What if I don’t find a new job? Father, let this cup pass from me. What if a new job doesn’t live up to my expectations? Father, let this cup pass from me. What if my family member doesn’t acknowledge they have a substance abuse disorder? Father, let this cup pass from me. What if my kid can’t overcome this health problem? Father, let this cup pass from me. What if … Father, let this cup pass from me.
But, like Jesus, sometimes we have to face the mountain … So how can we face the fear which terrifies us?
Firstly, focus on what you can control. I chose not to ski down the mountain on an advanced slope, I started easy and worked up. Maybe you’re facing problems in your marriage? Focus on the fact that asking for help together is the first step to resolving the issues.
Secondly, Jesus took his friends with him. Yes, they let him down at times as they fell asleep and denied them. But they were there. They ate dinner with him, they kept watch, and hung out with him. We all need a little help along the way, whether it’s an encouraging family to coax you down a ski slope, looking after your friends’ kids while they go for a breast biopsy, dropping off dinner because your friend lost their job, or whether, it’s sitting with a friend in their grief as they mourn the loss of a loved one. Remember, Jesus took his friends with him, we should, too.
Lastly, pray. Prayer is a powerful weapon as we confront the mountain. It equips us for the climb. It provides strength when we are weak, it allows us to vent when we are frustrated, it allows the gentle touch of the holy spirit as we come to him in our fear, and it helps us to echo Jesus’s words:
“… Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26: 39
A love letter from God …
Dear lovely one,
I know you’re frightened of the future and what may happen tomorrow or in the coming months. Like my son, I heard your prayers to remove this mountain that you are facing. As you stand in front of it I know when your thoughts spiral out of control and your heart races with all the ‘What-if’ possibilities. I know you wish didn’t have to face this mountain and that I would take it away.
Remember, I am with you. And you are with me. You are stronger than you think and I promise you amongst the craziness of life there is beauty along the path I have for you. Yes, there will be muddy trails and uncertain footing at times as we climb this together. But, in those moments when you think you are going to slip, I will hold your hand and remind you of Jesus’s words to me: Yet not as I will, but as you will.
Lovely one, you do not need to fear, for I am with you. I give you my strength as you face this situation, and I will help in more ways than you can imagine. Just give me your hand, and I will hold onto you. I won’t let go.
I see you, my beloved; I love you.
And I am with you always,
Love, God
For reflection;
- What are you facing today that scares you?
- Why do you think it scares you?
- What do you think God has to say about this situation? Have you spoken to Jesus about it? He wants to hear your thoughts as you tackle this together.
References:
Brenner, A 2019 5 tips to help you live with uncertainty
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201912/5-tips-help-you-live-uncertainty