In my coffee cupboard I have a whole array of mugs. Each has a different word printed on them: Peace, Faith, Hope, Be Kind, Wisdom, and Create. Every morning I choose the word I need most for the day. More often than not, the Wisdom mug is filled with my caffeine fix. My husband and I are raising three world changers––including two sets of teenage hormones and one pre-teen––so this peri-menopausal mother is always desperate for the wisdom of God. From decisions on how to help my daughter resolve friendship issues to how to look after myself and do all the things I need to do!
Proverbs tell us:
For the Lord gives wisdom. From his mouth comes knowledge and understanding.’ Proverbs 2: 6
Wisdom comes from his mouth, not mine, but his. After eighteen years of parenting, there are many times I wish I’d sought his wisdom rather than relying on my own before speaking.
This is the reason my wisdom coffee cup is so well used. I’m always seeking wisdom. Sometimes it’s hard to actually get a grip on what wisdom is and to translate it into something that’s actionable.
Merriam-Webster defines wisdom as
- The ability to discern inner qualities and relationships, AKA Insight.
- Good sense, AKA Judgement.
- A generally accepted belief but a willingness to challenge if other evidence arises, AKA Critical thinking.
- Accumulated philosophical or scientific learning, AKA Knowledge.
Insight, Judgement, Critical thinking, and Knowledge are the action plan for parenting wisely. It’s these four points that I incorporate into my decision-making.
- Insight––Seeking to understand why can help parent the next steps. For example, if your child struggles with anxiety. Is the anxiety related to circumstances such as friendships, schoolwork, and/or family issues? Or is there no obvious cause? Perhaps it’s a chemical imbalance in the body. Or what if your child’s grades start to slip? Taking time to understand why will help you support your child as it’s addressed.
- Good sense––using the judgement God has given to you as a parent will help you through. Maybe contacting a doctor or a psychologist will equip your child with skills to manage their anxious feelings. Perhaps speaking to the parents of the friends they’re having an issue with so together they can learn how to deal with conflict. Or you speak to the school to partner with them to help address a learning need. None of these things are easy and immediate solutions, but they are a wisdom step in the right direction.
- Critical thinking––Make your decision based on the information you gather. We are often overloaded with facts, statistics, opinions, and the experience of others. Sometimes these shout and scream at you, telling you what’s best. At other times, there may be no clear direction.
When we’re struggling with what to do it’s essential we don’t look for someone to tell us what to do. Surround yourself with the people who let you make the decision for yourself and will support you even if they disagree.
Use comparison and other people’s experiences carefully (The Comparison Solution). When we speak to other parents, they give us their opinions on what helped them through that season. This is essential and healthy. Their experience can help make us aware of available options. But we must weigh their words and thoughts because sometimes what worked for them may not work for our families. For example, if you’re struggling with whether to vaccinate your child speaking with people you trust, friends, and medical professionals can help you toward your own choice. But if anyone tells you what to do, that’s a warning.
4. Knowledge––As parents, it’s ok to change our minds! Information is always evolving, And sometimes what works well for one child doesn’t work for another. So don’t be paralyzed by all the information and statistics. Make your choice and, if you need to, change it later. And if you make a mistake, welcome to life! Learn from it, as that in itself increases your parenting knowledge base.
So when in doubt, remember my empty coffee mug … Wisdom is something that we always need a fresh cup of! And as with each fresh brew we increase in Insight, Judgement, Critical Thinking, and Knowledge.
A love letter from God …
Dear lovely one,
I feel your helplessness when you don’t know what’s the best way. Pause for a moment and look to me. I will give you wisdom. From my mouth comes knowledge and understanding. You just have to ask! Sometimes the answer may not be immediate, but I promise you I will answer your prayers. Tell me your thoughts and concerns … I’m listening and want to help. Even in the act of seeking my counsel you may find your answer. And in those moments when you acted without wisdom, I already knew you would. Don’t worry, I work for the good of you and your child in every situation.
Every day you choose to parent with me, choose the path of wisdom, for I am the source of knowledge.
I see you, my beloved; I love you.
And I am with you always,
Love, God